Transitioning My Hair...

I sort of fell into going natural.  How did I do that you ask?! Well I was trying to re-train my hair from going to having perms/relaxers every 2 months to only having perms/relaxers twice a year.  Going natural isn't easy and I'm trying to resist the creamy crack. Right now I'm 8 months in the natural game.  I have had kinky twist and sengalese twist this year...this is to keep my hands out of my head before I try to put the creamy crack back in my hair.

I  know the big thing about going natural is the grade of hair you have...what natural people call that type of grade of hair beautiful, society might call it nappy or a good grade.  I fell into the good grade of hair or even that "Louisiana" hair...whatever that means?! lol I guess since I'm starting up my blogging again...I will track my journey of going NATURAL!

For me, before this journey I tried to learn the tricks of having health hair.  I really stop using heat in my hair...barely blow dried my hair but let it air dry...only used the curling iron or flat iron when it was necessary and I wrapped my hair.  If I wanted curls I either used rod set rollers or curled it...depending on where and how long I had to get ready.  I recommend anyone that is looking for a good shampoo and conditioner even if they aren't going natural is Garnier Fructis...this is the shampoo and conditioner that was NOT harsh on my hair.  I could tell the difference if I used another brand versus Garnier.

Anywho, the last time I had a perm/relaxer was December 20, 2011...I've tried to come up with different styles to wear to work, going out and just plain hanging out with my son.  In between having kinky twist and sengalese twist, I have tried bantu knots and rod curlers.  Once I take out my sengalese twist, I'm going to try the flat twist and the flex rod curlers...just to see which one I liked the best.  I will definitely keep everyone posted on my transitioning from relaxed to natural hair.



It's been awhile...

I know it's been a while since the last time I blogged...a lot has happened since then.  I moved back to Houston from Dallas/Ft. Worth back in December 2010.  The guy that I gave a chance...well we lasted 9 mths...that's some drama that I won't get into but let's just say you can never put anything past anyone!

Smokey (Xterra) died on me...transmission went out...now I'm the proud owner of Smokey Jr. (Camry)!

Since things ended a year ago with the guy I met my birthday weekend in 2010...I basically kinda gave up on love, relationships and just men in general. Every time I thought a "good" guy came along they proved me wrong and let me know they were the guys that I wanted to stay away from.  But I joined a dating site (yes, me a dating site, I know right?!), most of the guys came across as the same as I've dealt with already. With the exception of one guy, that came at me in a manner that intrigued me.  I just think to myself, where has he been hiding and why on earth is he single?! LOL

Up to date...let's see I'll be 30 this year which I will definitely embrace and leave all the drama, confusion and craziness in my 20's.  I have enjoyed my  20's and also have learned a lot of who I am as a person, woman, mother, friend and lover.  I care a lot with my heart but I have walls that mask it, since I don't trust my heart to lead me. Everyday I try to trust my heart more than the last day.

As far as the guy that I met on the dating site, we're growing and learning more about each other everyday.  All I can do is trust God to lead our footsteps in the right direction. Within the year of getting to know each other, there's been trials and tribulations that I think most females would be like forget it and walk away. I care a lot about him and hopefully this leads to more in the future.

To kick off embracing my 30's, a group of friends and some family went to Montego Bay, Jamaica...I love nature and everything God has created.  The scenery was beautiful...I wish I had a vacation home or timeshare. Waking up to the picture below was awesome, I didn't want to come back to the USA.  I definitely enjoyed myself and I plan on going back. Hopefully this time with a significant other.

"LIFE is about trusting our feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness,appreciating the memories and learning from the PAST!"

Evolving...

Evolving is what I've done in the past year. Looking back, I've realized that it's the God in me that keeps me going, that keeps me striving to have the heart of gold. My life hasn't been ideal but I'm loving, learning & living it.

The hatred, anger or the sadness that people say I should have towards BJ has disappeared over time. He has disappointed me but because I don't speak of him in a negative way people automatically assume that I have feelings towards him. I only wish him the best in life & pray that God helps him turn a new leaf when it comes to our situation.

ON TO THE NEXT: well I've dated a few guys this year & they all seemed to be pretty good guys at the beginning then in the end they proved they weren't meant for me. On my birthday weekend, I've met someone that may be my match...he's a people person, funny, sincere & honest. We'll see if this goes anywhere. Going on a date will be our next step in this journey. As his cousin (which is a good friend of mine for 14+ yrs) said you'll never know til you try! :)

All the compassions of all the tender fathers in the world compared with the tender mercies of God would be but as a candle to the sun or a drop to the ocean. —Matthew Henry

Making it work....

Even though my life is no where near the ideal of what it should be, I'm definitely blessed & grateful for everything that is going on.

When it comes to baby boy, I'm trying to make sure that things are set up for him in the future, whether his father decides to be involved or not. I'm doing my part & not blaming or hating him for not doing his part. Even though the whole situation is bittersweet, I'm thankful & blessed with a sweet baby boy. Which I love with all of my heart...praying for his father, that he gets the "BIG" picture & finally play a part in his son's life. Til then I'll keep making it work...

I'm currently dating someone that is more than enough for me. He's here for a reason, not sure what that is but we've matched each other with the way we look at life, love & religion. It's been a month & a half of getting to know each other...it's been too surreal. He feels about the same 'cause we're both on the path of success & settling down one day in the near future. Tells me I'm a blessing in disguise...doesn't know where I came from. *blushes* We will see what the future has in store for us.

"To choose to operate in love according to 1 Corinthians 13. That means being patient and kind. It means not seeking your own way, not being jealous or boastful. When you choose love instead of choosing your own way, you are showing the world that God is first place in your life. You are establishing yourself in love. The more you choose to walk in love, the deeper and stronger your roots will grow."

It's been a minute...

I can't believe I haven't blogged in over a year...so much has been going on. Celebrated lil man's first birthday to his 1st Christmas that involves him opening up gifts. He is a lil character I must say. I've been blessed through every trial & adversity I've been through because this has made me a stronger person, woman & mother.

Kaleb is now 20 mths going on 3 yrs old...lol, jk! He's Mr. Independent & only wants to be loved up on when he's sleepy. He has a toddler bed now, which surprisingly he stays in or climbs in when he's sleepy. I love him deeply...never knew I could love a lil person this deeply.

Things are getting better when it comes to his father...I know the Lord is working behind the scene & this is only making me to accept that things don't happen on my time but on the Lord's time. Regardless of how he is acting or being, I would like to maintain a cordial relationship with him for lil man's sake.

The desires of my heart are being filled lil by lil as time goes on. I know to keep things going in a positive direction I need to continue to be submissive towards God. I trust Him fully & won't let anything that is controlled by humans to get me down. I'll definitely keep going even once I reach my goals & desires.

"Only being me...that's all I can be..."

Is it...

Well it's been a crazy 2 to 3 months...I have reconnected with someone that I thought I would only bump into maybe once or that what we had was gone. This time around I'm not going to let what is currently going on slip away. I got to spend time with him this past weekend. It was pretty much a good time...we talked about things in the past & stuff going on in the present. The future wasn't brought up since you never know what that might entitle...we enjoy each others company. All I can do is wait & see what each day brings...just sucks I'm still in the D & he's in the H...where hopefully I'll be able to relocate soon with a job offer! I'll keep what's going on between us updated as time pass. But til then all I can do is live for the time being!

Kaleb is embarking on 9 mths now...it's crazy how fast time is passing by! This lil' one will be one before you know it. He's climbing on everything, standing against the wall, table, ottoman, or me...lol! My lil' man is starting to become more independent, where he's content to playing with his toys on the floor, crawling from room to room. So imagine when he's able to walk this is going to be a mess! LOL! But he's a mama's boy now...not because I spoil him but because he feels the love from me the most. There's nothing like a parents' love to their child!

"Faith is confidence & assurance about the things we hope for according to the promises of God"- Joel Osteen

What the Lord is doing...

Being emerged in holy water is symbolic to when John baptized Jesus. Regardless what denomination you are, as long as you believe in the Holy Trinity, I think you should be baptized at one point in your life. It's a blessing to know you have a God that loves you so much, that he gives us chance after chance! He is a forgiving God & this is why I choose not to hold grudges...I just choose to forgive & let that person go.

Kaleb did not cry, I think he thought he was getting a bath! LOL! He did good & he had a lot of people to witness this special occasion. I appreciate everyone that had came out...it was mainly family with a few close friends.

Even though we're connected through Kaleb, we're all family. Their genes make up 50% of him & in my opinion he is a Johnson even though he doesn't have their last name. We all came together as a family to honor Kaleb Matthew Johnson Ware. Maybe one day there will be a picture where there is an added body but til then all I can do is have faith that he will come around soon.

"Imitate those who through faith & patience inherit the promises"-Hebrews 6:12

It has been awhile...blast from the past!

I'm back & I know it has been a long time but it has been a rollercoaster for the past 2 mths! I have had someone come back in my life from my past. I've known him since 1997...that's a long time to know someone...for 12 years & dated for 1 year. We've always seemed to run into each other every now & then. He has always been there when I needed him to be. Which is nice...never has done me wrong of any sort. But I'm going to take a step out on faith. So we'll see where this goes...hopefully somewhere positive. Not trying to get all serious just yet but I would like it to go somewhat further than we have in the past but only God knows though.

I'm excited for the fact Kaleb is being baptized this weekend. His paternal grandparents are making their way to Houston & my family will be there of course. I wish his father would be there too, but due to his choices, he's deciding not to partake in this event. But I'm grateful for everyone that will be there to honor my son.

“Do more than is required. What is the distance between someone who achieves their goals consistently and those who spend their lives and careers merely following? The extra mile.”-Gary Ryan Blair

Lessons in life...

I realize people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I have had some betrayals in the past year...some people got left in the drama. I choose not to be around the one of the ones who betrayed me but I have to be around the other since he is my son's father. I do keep quite around the ones that have talked their mess instead of being supportive around the time of my break down in life. I say choose your friends wisely...don't air out all your business...they will use it against you in the end! I trust God will bring everything to light & to justice. He has never forsaken me...He has brought me to it & will bring me through it!

BJ might not have been "the one" for me but we share a child together; whether he cares to have a heart or not, that's on him. I have let my anger go but my ego & heart are still hurt. I love him with all his flaws & all...just not in love with him but I know we will never be & I have accepted that & have moved on. I will continue to pray about our situation & that God takes ahold of BJ, since I know there is a stronghold that the devil has on him. I wish him the very best in life but in order to receive blessings he has to make things right in his life. I always said that in order to know it's love you will bring someone in your world & to let them know your flaws & all regardless of what it is & if they can't accept that then it really wasn't love & wasn't meant to be. I hope he realizes this sooner rather than later! But I can't help or lend advice to someone that doesn't want to be helped or accept responsibilities in life.

“Everytime I’ve done something that doesn’t feel right. It ended up not being right”- Mario Cuomo

What I derserve....

I'm listening to Alanis' song You Learn...if you listen to the lyrics, it's speaking the truth. You live you learn, you love you learn, you cry you learn, you bleed you learn, you scream you learn.

I've been thinking about the title of my blog...I'm realizing the adversities I've been through in the past year, are what is going to make me stronger as a woman, as a person & as a mother. I KNOW that I deserve better than what I've been given in the past as a lover. I know I have to be patient, it's hard but I know I have to do it.

I like someone that knows a lot about me & the things I've been going through. But last night I decided to pull away from him. It's nothing he did...he has been understanding for the most part, since his situation isn't as bad as mine but we're almost in the same boat. But it's more of I'm not letting my heart heal & all the hurt/pain fall by the waist side. So I'm going to take time out & live my life, & let myself heal. I will keep things with him as platonic as I can. But whatever happens happens.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, and how you can still come out of it.”-Maya Angelou

On Eagle's Wing...

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings. Bear you on the breath of dawn. Make you to shine like the sun. And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

I was sitting in church on Sunday just taken in these lyrics to this song, On Eagle's Wings. To know that I serve an awesome God is such a breathe taken experience. I think about the past year & everything that I have been through...I know that my God would NOT put me more than I can bare. He has been at my side even when I didn't think anyone was there. I always believe there's a reason for everything that happens in life.

Kaleb is growing everyday, which is crazy to know he will be 4 months next week! :) He gets to spend his first weekend with his grandparents (paternal). I'm blessed to know that I have their support when it comes to Kaleb. He is a healthy, happy & growing baby! I have no one to thank but God!

My Love for Life....

Two weekends was Valentine's & I enjoyed spending my son's first valentine's with him. Even though he doesn't know it yet, he was surrounded by a lot of people that love him & even by the ones that were far, he was still surrounded with love.

I guess til the day that I die, Kaleb will truly be my first love, well after God...I gave him the nickname my love. He has captured my heart from the moment I saw him with his eyes wide open! LOL! I never knew the love I have inside of me as a mother. It is something that I don't think I expected. It's crazy though...but I have accepted what life has given me.

I always said there's different levels of love & I see this type of love, I didn't put on that scale. The love I have for Kaleb's dad, whether he realizes it or not...is just that love, I'm not in love with him but I care about his well being & I guess that will never stop since he makes up the other half of our son.

1 Corinthians 13
"1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing. 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Life...

I'm in this world, not knowing my purpose & just watching it pass by. What I learned yesterday, that one of my friends (that I have known since middle/jr. high school); mom passed away. Granted I haven't seen her since we first started off in college...I will miss her dearly. I'm sad that she has gone to her final resting place but I know that she will be better off there than here. I know we should be happy & celebrating her life instead of mourning the lost of her physical body on earth. But I do pray for Byron, Hawley & the rest of their family. I know they will miss her more than anything. So if you know who I'm talking about, please pray for this family. Thanks!

25 Random Things About Lboog

1. My middle name is Shantel
2. My son has an older cousin name Caleb...so there's a big Caleb & lil' Kaleb.
3. I moved to DFW area to pursue my career.
4. Even though my brother & I are 5 years apart, we're still close.
5. I will NOT date anyone from Louisiana, sorry I have family from both the north & the south parts of the Boot!
6. My favorite cartoon character is tweetie...no one would have guessed it.
7. Kaleb's dad & I have the same tatts...I got mine a year before him though...
8. I'm a neat freak!
9. I love Prince's music.
10. Nature is my peace!
11. I learned a lot about myself & friends in 2008
12. I'm a Christian before anything regardless what's going on in my life.
13. Even though I've had my heart broken last year, I'm not the typical scorn female...I will actually give other guys a chance.
14. Trying to avoid a particular guy...
15. Just been dating, not looking for anything too serious...still need to let my heart heal.
16. I love getting pedis!
17. I love old school & R & B music
18. Don't mess with my food! Especially seafood! LOL!
19. I don't wear make up!
20. I don't wear my emotions on my sleeves.
21. If you don't know, I'm very sarcastic!
22. Even though I've been through a lot, I still wouldn't trade or change my life for anything.
23. My favorite movies are Coming to America & Dirty Dancing.
24. I get my eyebrows threaded versus waxed!
25. I cherish my faith, son & family...

BONUS!!!

'Til this past year, I fully understand the saying I love you so much I hate you...I don't actually hate him...just don't like the situation we're in, that's all!

I thought I knew who my friends were but this past year put that in perspective.

I thought I knew myself til I went through all the trials & adversities which has made me a stronger woman & person...I know what I will & won't tolerate.

Got a F it attitude most of the time now.

Putting my son & me first...damn a guy...he comes 3rd...well actually 4th since God should be number 1! LOL!

Expect the Unexpected

I've been a mother for approx. 11 weeks...it's been a wonderful experience in my life. I truly believe it's one of the best gifts God can give us. It is a struggle to be able to be the mother & the father in my case. My son's father, at this point not taking apart of his life, but I do have the support of the grandparents from that side. Which I will always be grateful for their love & support of their grandson. Even though he's not in his son's life, I'm not bitter, angry or mad...I'm just disappointed...known him for 6 years now, never thought he would do me like he has. But it's all good, I know God has Kaleb & me. By God's grace/will...he will decide to partake in his son's life. Still praying about that though.

All in all, I can't complain though! I remember putting on my letterman jacket in high school, expect the unexpected. I guess that's the summary of my life...lol!

Well once I'm at home, I'll more than likely spruce up my blog even more. Well til next time...

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